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August 7th! August 7th! Apple will preview Leopard (Mac OS X 10.5) on August 7th! Then, in a growsing act of shitting rather than getting off the pot, Apple will not actually release Leopard until January, February, or maybe even March of 2007!
For all of you that purchased Apple’s very expensive “free upgrades for five years” maintenance contract, you now officially have lost money. The contract only saves you money if you get 5 upgrades in 5 years. You pathetic fool! They’re schedule has not slipped enough that you’ll get only 4 upgrades in that time. Oh wait, it gets better. You could have had that money in the bank for those five years. Oh wait, it even gets even better: There’s no way in hell that Xserve you bought is still going to be in production by year 4 so why did you think this was a good deal in the first place? Oh yeah, that top notch Apple support that you get along with it.
Let the rumors fly!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen! It’s time for the Leopard rumors! It’s time for everyone with a ”select” or “premier” level contract to shun their NDA and tease their favorite rumor site with tastey tidbits.I’m no longer a dev. member, so I can talk all I want. Here’s my 100% certified, absolutely true rumors. I’ll bet any one $10 zillion dollars that I’m 100% right on all of these:
- It will ship on DVD
- Jobs will point out that this is the release where Intel becomes the primary development platform because ‘a leopard CAN change its spots!’ and hundreds of developers will laugh histerically until they realize... oh shit, I should have figured that out ages ago!”
- Leopard will contain an anti-gravity function that lets all Apple users float in the air
- Leopard will not just be threaded, but the threading is so good that it defies the time-space continuum, permitting software to go into the future to find the answer before it was done being computed
- Users won’t have to download patches or movies or songs. iTunes and “System Update” will use ESP to gather the bits from beyond the grave!
- Not only will BootCamp be included, but it will be enhanced a virtualization product that lets you run Commodore 64 applications. Not that Commodore 64 you remember from the 1980’s but a futuristic Commodore 64 based on Joss Wheaton’s vision of space travel in the year 3,000
- Apple will release a new line of desktops made entirely out of MEAT!
