Apple Executives to Preview Mac OS X “Leopard” at WWDC 2006 Keynote

[yesthattom]

http://www.apple.com/pr/library/2006/jun/26wwdc.html

August 7th! August 7th! Apple will preview Leopard (Mac OS X 10.5) on August 7th! Then, in a growsing act of shitting rather than getting off the pot, Apple will not actually release Leopard until January, February, or maybe even March of 2007!

For all of you that purchased Apple’s very expensive “free upgrades for five years” maintenance contract, you now officially have lost money. The contract only saves you money if you get 5 upgrades in 5 years. You pathetic fool! They’re schedule has not slipped enough that you’ll get only 4 upgrades in that time. Oh wait, it gets better. You could have had that money in the bank for those five years. Oh wait, it even gets even better: There’s no way in hell that Xserve you bought is still going to be in production by year 4 so why did you think this was a good deal in the first place? Oh yeah, that top notch Apple support that you get along with it.

Let the rumors fly!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen! It’s time for the Leopard rumors! It’s time for everyone with a ”select” or “premier” level contract to shun their NDA and tease their favorite rumor site with tastey tidbits.

I’m no longer a dev. member, so I can talk all I want. Here’s my 100% certified, absolutely true rumors. I’ll bet any one $10 zillion dollars that I’m 100% right on all of these:

• It will ship on DVD
• Jobs will point out that this is the release where Intel becomes the primary development platform because ‘a leopard CAN change its spots!’ and hundreds of developers will laugh histerically until they realize... oh shit, I should have figured that out ages ago!”
• Leopard will contain an anti-gravity function that lets all Apple users float in the air
• Leopard will not just be threaded, but the threading is so good that it defies the time-space continuum, permitting software to go into the future to find the answer before it was done being computed
• Users won’t have to download patches or movies or songs. iTunes and “System Update” will use ESP to gather the bits from beyond the grave!
• Not only will BootCamp be included, but it will be enhanced a virtualization product that lets you run Commodore 64 applications. Not that Commodore 64 you remember from the 1980’s but a futuristic Commodore 64 based on Joss Wheaton’s vision of space travel in the year 3,000
• Apple will release a new line of desktops made entirely out of MEAT!

Well, I’d like to give away more Apple secrets but I have to run. The Apple police are knocking at my door and I haven’t even clicked on “submit” yet!

Comments

[petdance.livejournal.com]

Tiger already ships on DVD.

[yesthattom.livejournal.com]

See? See? I'm *already* correct!

All hail the power of my predictions!

[rainbear.livejournal.com]

But wait.. I thought all Apple users *already* floated in the air?!

*grin*

[lilbjorn.livejournal.com]

I really don't get what all the whinging is about. If you bought your 5 year plan on November 1, 2001, you got Puma, Jaguar, Panther, and Tiger. A pretty impressive output for any software organization. Let's say you bought a 5 year contract for Windows at the same time. You will have received exactly ZIPPO by the expiration date. Please don't tell me you were expecting any company to put out more than four major releases (or even three) of an operating system in a five year period. And please don't tell me you thinking it's unethical for Apple to announce what's coming six months in advance. Six months is very conservative compared to some companies.

[yesthattom.livejournal.com]

The contract is planned such that is makes sense if they ship in January every time. If Apple is one month late you may be getting screwed.

The cost of the contract is 4x the cost of their server OS. This isn't the $99 desktop version that I'm talking about.

[whitebird.livejournal.com]

When they first started offering those contracts, their OS ship dates were roughly 12 months per upgrade. It's only between 10.3 and 10.4 (and beyond) that they stretched the upgrade development cycle to 18 months.

But, any IT professional should be aware that upgrade timeframes have always and will always be a crapshoot.