In Memoriam, Brenda Howard (By Tom Limoncelli)

[yesthattom]

In Memoriam, Brenda Howard

The next time someone asks you why LGBT Pride marches exist or why Gay Pride Month is June tell them “A bisexual woman named Brenda Howard thought it should be.”

After the Stonewall Rebellion happened (June 1969), Brenda Howard coordinated the rally to commemorate the 1-month anniversary. She then created the rally and march that was celebrated at the 1-year anniversary. This became the annual New York City Pride March which spawned marches around the world. She originated the idea for a week-long series of events around Pride Day, called Pride Week. Most U.S. states and many countries and cities around the world now celebrate Pride Day/Week annually, descended directly from those first marches and rallies in New York City which Howard coordinated and created.

Brenda was very humble. I met her in 1990 and it was nearly a decade before I learned of her role in Pride Month, or that she had chaired the Gay Activists Alliance for many years and been active in the Gay Liberation Front.

I knew her as the person that ran the New York Area Bisexual Network’s Info Line. For decades she was the voice on the recorded message that would tell bi people in NYC where events were happening. She returned thousands of messages left on the line. She was also involved in the BiPAC bisexual activist group, she ran numerous groups at “The Center” in New York, including the Bi-SM and Bi-AA groups. She was female co-chair of the leather contingent for the ‘ March on Washington, involved in the 1993 March on Washington for Gay, Lesbian and Bi Rights and Liberation and Stonewall 25 (1994).

I worked most closely with Brenda on the Stonewall 25 March. Starting in 1992 we met monthly to arrange a 25th Anniversary March in 1994. Though it was overshadowed by the 1993 March On Washington, she carried the torch for a celebration of Stonewall in 1994. Often we’d meet in a tiny room barely big enough for the four or five people attending the meetings. In the end, the group was able to leverage MOW93 to publicize and keep alive what would become the international event which became SW25.

Though she was humble, she could be loud when needed. In committee meetings she was the person who wasn’t satisfied until everything is perfect. She always demanded that we take the time to hear every voice and consider every option. She wouldn’t accept anything but full rights and liberation. Brenda pushed us all to be better activists because she had the long view in mind.

The common thread I see in all of her work—and the quality I admire about her the most—is her ability to stick with a project for the long term. Some activists go after the “issue of the day” but Brenda worked diligently on projects that involved nurturing for years. Whether it was the NYABN Info Line, keeping the dream of SW25 alive, running support groups, or making sure that nobody would ever forget Stonewall, she was a persistent force. Her formal training was in nursing, which seems powerfully symbolic of how she helped the community.

Brenda Howard died of cancer at 58 on Tuesday, June 28, 2005. I learned she was ill only shortly before she died and never got to say goodbye to her. There are so many things I never got to say to her. I never go to thank her for all the times she helped me, or for all the times she encouraged me to get involved in projects, or for all the Junes full of Pride.

She will be greatly missed.

Howard is survived by her partner, Larry Nelson. The memorial is scheduled for July 31 at 12-2pm Room 301 at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center 208 W 13th Street, New York, NY 10011. For directions, see the Center’s website at http://www.gaycenter.org. A memorial web site for her is at http://www.nyabn.org/brenda

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Tom Limoncelli is a bi activist in New Jersey and creator of www.BiSquish.com. He has written two books and contributed to the new anthology “Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World”

Comments

THANK YOU! Tom

[lordlnyc.livejournal.com]

Thank you Tom for tell me more about my (or should I say the worlds) Brenda!

I am sitting at work at Queensborough Community College right now trying to keep myself from crying it was very touching. I wish I was able to get the word out sooner but I was very busy taken care of her.

I am now finalizing the program for the memorial and will be printing it today or tomorrow. See you all on Sunday! If you can not make it think about her at noon (nyc time).

BTW: I have set-up a Live Journal Community for brenda called what else
brendahoward

- Larry -

[took me a long time to get that link in by hand, is there a bettter way]

Re: THANK YOU! Tom

[barking-iguana.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what you meant by "by hand, but <lj user="brendahoward"> should do it... let's see... brendahoward

Re: THANK YOU! Tom

[barking-iguana.livejournal.com]

Either I messsed up typing it in, or (despite what the FAQ says) different syntax is needed for communities than for users.

Re: THANK YOU! Tom

[lordlnyc.livejournal.com]

At first I did not know about the "< lj user" tag so I type in the following html tag (added spaces so you can see)

< A HREF = "http://www.livejournal.com/community/brendahoward" >
< IMG border="0" align = "top" SRC = "http://stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif"> brendahoward < / A >

I was pressed for time and after I set it I checked the help files and fount out about the "< lj user" tag

Thank you

- Larry -

Re: THANK YOU! Tom

[yesthattom.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. GLAAD asked me to write that for them to send to various gay press. I'll be reading it at the memorial.

Don't beat yourself up over not getting the word out sooner. I heard with plenty of time to spare. It was my fault I didn't make it there in time.

When my dad died in 2003 I really got into the blame game and I'd hate to see you go through that too.

Tom

P.S. http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=75 is a list of HTML tags you can use to display usernames, communities, etc.

Re: THANK YOU! Tom

[lordlnyc.livejournal.com]

Thank you again. I have more that that if I want to play the blame-game.
Like not guessing that all the pain she had was something more then simple gas pain, etc.

BTW: That reminds me I need ti call GLADD again.

see you all sunday

- Larry -

ps: I second awfief post, great press release.

[awfief.livejournal.com]

I LOVE that pic, by the way. Great press release, thank you.

[lordlnyc.livejournal.com]

I cut it out of a larger pic that I got from Rich Wandel of "the center". Also had to make it smaller by 50% to fit. If you click on it at her webpage you will see the full picture.

ps: I second your post! great press release!

- Larry -
Hope to see everyone on Sunday

[aguynamedwill.livejournal.com]

I wasn't able to make the funeral, but do plan to be at the memorial service Sunday. I only met Brenda a few times -- at the start of the NYC Tri-State 2000 Bi Conference (eventually held at NYU) -- but even now remember her presence. It will be a privilege to celebrate her life Sunday.

[lordlnyc.livejournal.com]

I forgot about the NYC Tri-State 2000 Bi Conference (she told me about it once or twice). If you or anyone else can give me more information like what she did for the conference. Also the month it was.

If you all on Sunday. I printed out the program to day. No I need to fold them.

- Larry -

ps: Remember you can join the brendahoward community

[aguynamedwill.livejournal.com]

I think she dropped out early in the process - we held the first few meetings at the Center. The conference occurred Fall 2000 - November, I believe.

[lordlnyc.livejournal.com]

Boy did I not check that post. three typos.

Thank you for the information. I believe that she did something upstate the first weekend on November.

Talk about it more on Sunday.

- Larry -

We changed the URL

[lordlnyc.livejournal.com]

Tom you need to change http://www.nyabn.org/brenda/protest1970b.JPG

to http://www.nyabn.org/brenda/images/protest1970b.JPG