My screenplay. Read it for the first time! (Especially if you are in IT or system administration)

[yesthattom]

I finally finished that screenwriting workshop I took. I learned a lot from it. I don’t think I’m ready to quit my job and move to Hollywood, but it was interesting to get a feeling for what fiction writing is like. Publishing four non-fiction books does not mean I an write fiction at all.

The 11-page script I wrote can be found as a PDF here:
http://whatexit.org/tal/images/it-screenplay.pdf

The first part is very much like the opening to an episode of “E.R.” However, after that it becomes a totally different thing... which is why it sucks. I need to pick one or the other.

If I pick the first, then it would take it out of the hospital and put it somewhere like the CIA or FBI. Maybe it would be a show staring two people like Chloe and Edgar from the TV series “24”. They were always serious but had a hint of humor about them (which makes sense since the Mary Lynn Rajskub who plays Chloe has a background in stand-up comedy). However, no matter what I do I don’t want to fall into the trap of portraying IT workers as rude jerks or stupid idiots.

Please read it and tell me how awesome I am. (j/k)

Comments

[awfief.livejournal.com]

You are awesome!

The script isn't bad either :)

[cpj.livejournal.com]

Please read it and tell me how awesome I am.

Ugg, it's like you're channeling Michael Bay.

Not to be rude, but I'm gonna decline, because I'm writing something of my own. But maybe in a month or so, we can both compare notes on what it takes to make computers sexy.

[kazmat.livejournal.com]

Out of curiosity, who's your audience? Are you trying to appeal to Joe Schmoe or is this an indie piece that's meant to focus on the techie audience?

Oh, and I think you're awesome, too. :}

[yesthattom.livejournal.com]

I don't think I defined the audience before I began. :-(

[kazmat.livejournal.com]

I think your lack of defined target audience when you wrote the script shows through. I find that interesting because I KNOW you have a lot of writing and activist experience, and one of the main tenets in both is to know your audience in order to help determine how to frame your argument/story/opinion. I believe the same principle will help you improve your story and make it more cohesive.

[mrfantasy.livejournal.com]

I have thought the "ER but in IT" thing would work, but it really doesn't. Broken computers aren't the same as people dying, when you get down to it.

"24" probably comes closest to the concept when Chloe is fixing things, but that's only part of the show.

The real question is how do you make a show about IT be something that people who aren't in IT will actually care about, and that doesn't offend the sensibilities of those who are in IT. You probably do something like you're trying here--which is to roll it into a meta-story, that is advanced by the IT concepts underneath.

[jayeye.livejournal.com]

IT people who tell it like it is to clueless management never get rewarded. You should know that.

I also noticed a few grammar problems; prufrid :)

A couple general observations on drama

[kazmat.livejournal.com]

A couple general observations on successful dramatic tv shows...

The general populace just generally doesn't care about a dramatic plot unless the stakes are high and they're emotionally invested in the characters. They need to be able to relate to both the themes in the show and the characters who live in that world. People also like mystery/suspense and feeling like they're smart when they figure out the secret before the show reveals the solution.

The three high stakes scenarios that people seem to most relate to are loss of life (the more lives (or the more important the lives), the better), loss of a great deal of money (again, the more the better), and destruction of a way of life (divorce, ending of friendships, becoming homeless, people generally being bastards to each other). MASH, House, and ER wouldn't work if people weren't dying. Bank robbery movies wouldn't work if they were just after $5K. Adultery/sex scandal shows wouldn't work if the spouse said "Oh, well, no problem. I forgive you. What's for dinner?"

I think it would be especially hard to write a show about IT aimed at the general public because IT is just a tool to accomplish other things. And it's a tool that people don't understand well or relate to. It would be like making a prime time drama about the day to day work lives of car mechanics. Sometimes you'd have a few cool racing machines, but mostly you'd show a bunch of greasy people doing incomprehensible things. *yawn* Who cares?

In your example script, the story would need to be more about the takeover than the IT department. People don't care about wires under the floor unless you find dead bodies buried there. People don't care about network congestion unless it's being caused by someone stealing a fortune or dangerous government secrets.

If you want to write about IT, I think it would almost have to be set in a government department, big corporation, or consulting firm who can cover both locations. And most of your stories would need to revolve around chasing bad guys and corruption, not capacity planning.

IT just isn't sexy and doesn't sell on its own.