Review: Superman Returns

[yesthattom]

I can't believe the slowness of the people at the food counter. This is completely unacceptable.

...wait... let me start this review over.

Superman Returns was a disappointment. The audio was completely screwed up for the first fifteen minutes. It sounded like the left audio channel was occasionally going at the wrong speed while the right channel was fine. Then once that was fixed there were new problems with the audio. In particular, whoever mixed the audio seemed to have two babies in the mixing booth while he was working on the film and their crying bleed onto the soundtrack. And his cell phone kept going off. Oh wait, that may have just been the audience in MY theater.

...let me start this review over...

Superman Returns is Pixar's best production yet. You could hardly tell that the entire film was computer generated. In a daring risk, the director decided to make an entire film about the lead-up to Superman returning. I guess he'll return in the sequel. Meanwhile the film was about talking cars who...

...wait... let me start his review over...

Ok, here we go. Superman Returns. I was freakin' appalled. With all the advances in computer animation in the last 25 years why weren't we able to have Christopher Reeve playing Superman? He's the only real Superman (except his dad, George Reeves, who played the one on TV). Sure, I know Christopher Reeve is technically dead, but so is Danny Devito and he keeps making appearances all over. Heck, Devito's got a new TV show on TBS! But seriously, what's my real problem with the new guy playing Superman? He's sooo straight! This movie should have been called SuperHeterosexualMan. Bring back Gay Superman! I mean Christopher Reeves wasn't just cute in the old Superman movies, he was clean-cut-cute-gay-gay-1970's-porn-gay-cute! I mean, in the 1980's if you were too embarrassed to go into a video store and rent a gay porn flick you could just rent Superman, Superman II: Deathtrap, Superman III: Monsignor, or any of his other films where he plays a super-hot-cute-gayboy-sexy-sexy-awesome-hotness. Did I mention he was teh hot cuteness!?!?!?!!!11!!one!!11!!

Now this new guy is ok, but he's not Gay Superman. I had to actually pay attention to the plot. Which seemed to be about some guy that could fly and didn't like green rocks. Or bald guys. Or something. Nice tights.

Meh.

Comments

[rem]

Best. Review. Ever.

[rmd.livejournal.com]

i don't know... between brian singer and kevin spacey, with bonus fag-hag cred from parker posey, it could be the gayest superman ever.

Audio Issue

[dballing.livejournal.com]

The audio was completely screwed up for the first fifteen minutes. It sounded like the left audio channel was occasionally going at the wrong speed while the right channel was fine.

Holy crap.. I wonder if what I perceived as a local-theater issue is something all the prints went out the door with... I had that exact problem when I saw it opening day way up here in the boonies of Upstate NY...

[airshipjones.livejournal.com]

"Sounds like somebodies got a case of the Mondays."

I'm sorry your experience was so bad. I thought it was pretty good. The actor and director did a good job of keeping the style like the Christopher Reeves movies. His voice was very much like Christopher Reeves, and with the Marlon Brando bits and the similar soundtrack, it helped to bring those elements together. I think this new guy playing Superman just needs some time to develop into the role, and he may be everthing you expect. This Superman is movie is already being called the most gay ever, though I think that is just the right-wing wackos looking for an election year fight.

[kimuchi.livejournal.com]

There was too much concern in production that between the gay director, the modern-Superman-with-feelings, and the speculation about the guy who played him, that the character would be too gay for the straight boy audiences, so they had to excessively straighten him out. Fuck you, Hollywood.

Also, casting a practically teenaged girl as a 30-year-old grown woman: fuck you, Hollywood. It seems like all they were concerned with is making sure Lois looks younger than Superman (i.e. the same reason they wanted to fire Margot Kidman in the middle of the Reeve movies)...which is 1) not true to the character backstory and 2) tiresome bullshit.

Re Christopher Reeve...it doesn't take much to play Superman, but as the SF Chron reviewer pointed out, he was awesome as Clark Kent.

[mg4h.livejournal.com]

You are weird, you know that?

[awfief.livejournal.com]

Superman's obviously gay in that movie. He HAS to be. After all, how could you possibly like a flat-chested, no personality, no ass (and they kept doing butt shots, of her at the sink, her walking away from Superman) woman like that? I mean, if you take away looks and personality, what do you have?

Now, if they'd cast Geena Davis or an Erin-Brokovitch/Pretty-Woman Julia Roberts, that would have been nice. They'd probably be seen as too old for that, but hell, put Sean Connery in the Superman role and then they wouldn't be too old.

How about some personality to Lois Lane? Not just the "I'm conflicted" face, so shallow, that what's-her-face gave?

[circesbed.livejournal.com]

Why aren't you a professional movie reviewer????

Ebert and yesthattom... the balcony is closed.

I'm boycotting SR because Bryan Singer's decision to direct that left idiotic Brett Ratner to screw up X3. Bah!

straight? You haven't met him...

[jorhett.livejournal.com]

You thought he was straight? If so, then he did the acting job of his life. I met the actor at WonderCon, and the man practically had sex with every cute guy that walked near him.