Tom's Poly Update
Mar. 3rd, 2003 12:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yesthattomToday the four of us (my two sweeties, and one sweetie's housemate/lifepartner) had our first official "check-in". It was slow to start, and we didn't cover a lot of ground, but we did set up ground rules for future discussions and figure out that we should do this on the first Sunday of every month. We also talked a lot about how we define "family", and if that's what we're building here.
There were some really positive revealations:
1. Much stress has been removed by having a routine rather than struggling every week to work out a calendar. That is, Ying and I have our date night on Wednesday; Yang and I have our date night on Thursday; Friday night is "Yang and Pang" alone and "Ying and Tom" alone night. Saturday night is Yang and Tom, unless either of us are busy (which we often are). Ok, that sounds complicated, but its actually quite simple: Wed is my night with Ying, Thurs is my night with Yang, Friday night we spend with the "other" partner, and Saturday night is sort of up in the air. Oh, and Sunday night we get together to watch Six Feet Under at my place.
2. Things are generally working out well.
3. Yang is giving birth at the end of the month, and it looks like the combined "I can spend a day with Yang" volunteers totals up to nearly a month.
4. We're all pretty happy with our arrangements.
In other news, my and my 2 SOs had a dialog on Saturday about figuring out how much time we all want with each other and how much time we need alone. It was really difficult to ask for what I need. I felt odd saying, "I want to see a movie, in a theater." and that being at odds with Yang saying "I don't want to see a movie. I want to spend tonight with Tom, or just be alone." It was painful to realize that the resolution would be for Yang to be home alone, however that was one of her acceptable options, so that's what we did. The world didn't explode and we all were able to do something we wanted to do. (Ying and I saw "Dare Devil"... it rocked). This relates to the "communicating your needs" message I posted recently. I was in a situation where asking for my needs was very difficult, and I had to remind myself that "that's a signal that this is the important time to ask for your needs!"
I'm rambling. Sorry. The outcome is that everything went really well.
There were some really positive revealations:
1. Much stress has been removed by having a routine rather than struggling every week to work out a calendar. That is, Ying and I have our date night on Wednesday; Yang and I have our date night on Thursday; Friday night is "Yang and Pang" alone and "Ying and Tom" alone night. Saturday night is Yang and Tom, unless either of us are busy (which we often are). Ok, that sounds complicated, but its actually quite simple: Wed is my night with Ying, Thurs is my night with Yang, Friday night we spend with the "other" partner, and Saturday night is sort of up in the air. Oh, and Sunday night we get together to watch Six Feet Under at my place.
2. Things are generally working out well.
3. Yang is giving birth at the end of the month, and it looks like the combined "I can spend a day with Yang" volunteers totals up to nearly a month.
4. We're all pretty happy with our arrangements.
In other news, my and my 2 SOs had a dialog on Saturday about figuring out how much time we all want with each other and how much time we need alone. It was really difficult to ask for what I need. I felt odd saying, "I want to see a movie, in a theater." and that being at odds with Yang saying "I don't want to see a movie. I want to spend tonight with Tom, or just be alone." It was painful to realize that the resolution would be for Yang to be home alone, however that was one of her acceptable options, so that's what we did. The world didn't explode and we all were able to do something we wanted to do. (Ying and I saw "Dare Devil"... it rocked). This relates to the "communicating your needs" message I posted recently. I was in a situation where asking for my needs was very difficult, and I had to remind myself that "that's a signal that this is the important time to ask for your needs!"
I'm rambling. Sorry. The outcome is that everything went really well.
