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yesthattomGeorge Bush's Earth Day Speech
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As I look out over this beautiful bright green field three words come to mind: CONDOS! CONDOS! CONDOS! Yes, that's right. Within a year this entire field will be cleared and replaced by cookie-cutter ugly condos.
Why?
Because they sell. Boy do they sell. They sell and make a lot of money for the people that build them. They make money for the town that collects taxes. They make money for the people that sell diapers to the couples that move there just to raise a family.
So let me get to the point of this year's Earth Day speech. I just want to say to all the environmentalist: you will ultimately lose. Sorry, but FUCK YOU. Go to hell. I hate you. I don't mean that I hate your philosophy... I personally hate YOU. Each of you. Die. If it were legal for the president to just pull out a gun and mow down a bunch of people I would. Oh lord, it would feel so good to see you all in a bloody heap.
Wait, that wasn't the point I wanted to make. I mean... I would kill all of you, but that wasn't the point I wanted to make today.
The point is very simple: You will ultimately lose. The earth is doomed. Here's why: MAN.
Duh! Of course it's man. Man is fucking up this planet. All those speeches that I've given claiming that there's no proof that man made pollution is causing global warming? They're lies. However, you'll never figure it out because you're all such dumb fucks. You see, it isn't any one thing that people do that causes global warming. There's a dozen things all of which each push the needle just a little bit towards the red zone of the dial. The needle doesn't have to move very far to go into the red zone. Each of the dozen causes push the needle such a tiny amount that none of them really make a difference. It's the power of all of them combined that make the needle move into the red zone. And it is moving.
Now here's why you are so dumb.
Each of those little "problems" is represented by a different industrial lobbying group. Each of them can rightfully say 2 things: (1) our problem causes a very small and insignificant amount of damage, (2) why don't you get all the other industries to fix THEIR problem?
It's like whack-a-mole at the amusement park. You whack one, and the other pops up.
Not only that but they have so much money that they can do things like try to drill in the last pure part of Alaska so that you spend all your resources fighting it and don't notice all the really bad shit that we're doing. We knew we'd lose on Alaska, but look at all the concessions we got out of you dumb fucks! And if we had won Alaska too it would have just been gravy.
And that's why they're going to win, and you stupid dumb-fuck environmentalists will always lose. The industries will always be able to point the finger at the dozens of other industries to deflect any criticism. And we have more money. A *lot* more money.
The only solution is to get all of them to fix their problems at the same time so they can't point the finger. That's not going to happen.
Sure, you could kidnap all their CEOs and kill one each day until the U.S. adopts the Kyoto Protocols and other international agreements. However, again, you guys are such dumb fucks. You tie your environmentalism to the peace movement. PEACE? Oh, you guys are dumb fucks. You'll never be effective until you start killing CEOs but that's against your "morals".
So in conclusion:
-- You are going to lose
-- You are going to lose
-- At the current rate, the environment will hold out for another couple dozen years. Why not use this time to live the high-life and suck up as much resources as possible. Enjoy it. Don't have children, they're gonna hate the planet you've left them with but that's not your problem.
-- Send your resume to an oil company. They'll do fine, I'm protecting them like you wouldn't believe.
-- You are going to lose
Thank you. Have a nice day.
George Bush
------------------------------
As I look out over this beautiful bright green field three words come to mind: CONDOS! CONDOS! CONDOS! Yes, that's right. Within a year this entire field will be cleared and replaced by cookie-cutter ugly condos.
Why?
Because they sell. Boy do they sell. They sell and make a lot of money for the people that build them. They make money for the town that collects taxes. They make money for the people that sell diapers to the couples that move there just to raise a family.
So let me get to the point of this year's Earth Day speech. I just want to say to all the environmentalist: you will ultimately lose. Sorry, but FUCK YOU. Go to hell. I hate you. I don't mean that I hate your philosophy... I personally hate YOU. Each of you. Die. If it were legal for the president to just pull out a gun and mow down a bunch of people I would. Oh lord, it would feel so good to see you all in a bloody heap.
Wait, that wasn't the point I wanted to make. I mean... I would kill all of you, but that wasn't the point I wanted to make today.
The point is very simple: You will ultimately lose. The earth is doomed. Here's why: MAN.
Duh! Of course it's man. Man is fucking up this planet. All those speeches that I've given claiming that there's no proof that man made pollution is causing global warming? They're lies. However, you'll never figure it out because you're all such dumb fucks. You see, it isn't any one thing that people do that causes global warming. There's a dozen things all of which each push the needle just a little bit towards the red zone of the dial. The needle doesn't have to move very far to go into the red zone. Each of the dozen causes push the needle such a tiny amount that none of them really make a difference. It's the power of all of them combined that make the needle move into the red zone. And it is moving.
Now here's why you are so dumb.
Each of those little "problems" is represented by a different industrial lobbying group. Each of them can rightfully say 2 things: (1) our problem causes a very small and insignificant amount of damage, (2) why don't you get all the other industries to fix THEIR problem?
It's like whack-a-mole at the amusement park. You whack one, and the other pops up.
Not only that but they have so much money that they can do things like try to drill in the last pure part of Alaska so that you spend all your resources fighting it and don't notice all the really bad shit that we're doing. We knew we'd lose on Alaska, but look at all the concessions we got out of you dumb fucks! And if we had won Alaska too it would have just been gravy.
And that's why they're going to win, and you stupid dumb-fuck environmentalists will always lose. The industries will always be able to point the finger at the dozens of other industries to deflect any criticism. And we have more money. A *lot* more money.
The only solution is to get all of them to fix their problems at the same time so they can't point the finger. That's not going to happen.
Sure, you could kidnap all their CEOs and kill one each day until the U.S. adopts the Kyoto Protocols and other international agreements. However, again, you guys are such dumb fucks. You tie your environmentalism to the peace movement. PEACE? Oh, you guys are dumb fucks. You'll never be effective until you start killing CEOs but that's against your "morals".
So in conclusion:
-- You are going to lose
-- You are going to lose
-- At the current rate, the environment will hold out for another couple dozen years. Why not use this time to live the high-life and suck up as much resources as possible. Enjoy it. Don't have children, they're gonna hate the planet you've left them with but that's not your problem.
-- Send your resume to an oil company. They'll do fine, I'm protecting them like you wouldn't believe.
-- You are going to lose
Thank you. Have a nice day.
George Bush
