I'm away

[yesthattom]

I’m away. I’m at the LISA2005 in San Diego. I’m also not checking my email very much.

A daily log of what’s happening at the conference is being posted http://www.oreillynet.com/pub/au/2176 on my ORA blog.

Comments

a question for you-when you have time.

[rfj.livejournal.com]

This is Sous, friend of geeksdoitbetter. I met you at the Transcending Boundaries convention in CT, though I'd known you from LJ and friends previously. Though after all of that, you may still not know me. ^.^

Question:
How do you juggle travelling so much with being poly? I'm in my first poly relationship and work does require travel, and I'm unsure how to schedule and communicate through that time. Any pointers you might have would be helpful. Thank you. Enjoy your stay in San Diego!

Re: a question for you-when you have time.

[yesthattom.livejournal.com]

That's a great question. I'm not sure if I have a lot of specific advice, but like most things in poly, communication and setting boundaries are key to everything.

One concrete bit of advice I can give you is: Get a datebook and write every darn thing down. Live by the datebook. The datebook is your friend. The trap I used to fall into would be to say to myself, "Oh that's so important how could I possibly forget it!" Ha! If it's important there is even more reason to write it down! Don't trust your brain!

I found it was very frustrating and emotionally painful to schedule "when will I see you next?" with each partner constantly. It brings up every emotional issue. I mean, you sort of feel like a lost puppy. On the other hand, every conversation to plan who is going to see who when is an opportunity to screw up communication and hurt someone's feelings by mistake. If you have that conversation every week, then 52 times a year you are putting yourself at risk of making a communication mistake that can potentially hurt someone's feelings. The solution to that (for me) was to work things into a schedule. Decide once, do many. For example: Sunday, Monday and Tuesday you always spend with one partner; Thu, Fri, Sat you spend with the other partner. Wednesday is your time alone. (Don't forget time for yourself!) By making is regular and repeated, it solves/prevents a lot of problems. If you travel a lot, then this becomes "if I am home, I will spend Sun, Mon, Tue with so-and-so". If you and all your SOs can agree to a schedule, you can spend more time having fun and less time planning. This is the kind of discussion that works best in person, not via email or over the phone.

I don't know your exact situation so take what I've said with a grain of salt. However, give it some thought and feel free to ask more questions.